Bye, Bye, Bees

It was a final farewell today. Someone purchased our empty hives with all of the equipment that accompanies bee tending. They are gone for good, along with any nostalgia that remained when I gazed at the empty hives. It's funny that I would miss something as impersonal as bees, but I did. Even in the middle of winter, when the weather rose to the 40's in the middle of the day, I would wander out in the back yard and watch those little hummers leave the warmth of their hive to relieve themselves far from their clean home. It was not as much fun as watching them in the spring and summer when they buzzed back to the hive laden down with yellow pollen, but it was more reassuring to see them fly in and out in the cold and bleakness of winter, an amazing sign of life humming inside of those small white boxes.

There are not many wild bees in our back yard as when we had our bees buzzing around. The yard is quieter this summer, with the exception of the lumbering, fuzzy black and yellow bumblebees, going about their work of pollinating and keeping life moving along for future summers.

Our house is quieter, too, with our faithful old cat gone from our lives. Bob put a headstone in the flower garden where he lies beneath our peach tree. As that tree grows I will know that Bugsy helped give life to future peaches in that side garden, in view from his favorite lounging window where he spent so many peaceful hours dreaming in the sun.

Life is easier. There are less chores. There is less commotion, less to worry about. But then there is less to love.

Meanwhile, I wait for more hellos. They have always arrived when I least expected them.

This coming week I have family from the Cities, books to sign and five days of a celebration honoring our veterans in our Veteran's Town. Life does go on.

Waiting is the Hardest

Our eighteen-year old cat, Bugsy, is at the vets. We brought him in on Saturday. It turns out he has pancreatitis, an illness fairly common in older cats. The first two calls from the veterinarian were hopeful. We thought we would take him home on Sunday, but he took a turn for the worse. We visited him this morning and he is miserable. It hurts to see him hurt and we began to consider having him put down. He got kidney disease a couple of years ago, but has done well on the food and meds. Several weeks ago he developed a thyroid problem. It's tough growing older for many of us.

Meanwhile, we wait. We wait with hope that he will recover and spend some quality time back home with us. If not, we will say another goodbye, and after eighteen years it will not be easy. I try to prepare for the inevitable eventually....ever hopeful that it will be later than sooner, but no matter when, saying goodbye is never easy. And although another hello will be around the corner, it is that time in between that is the most difficult, and, that time is now.

Intermission

Can it really be two months since I jotted down some thoughts on this blog? I looked back, and sure enough, I stopped writing, volunteering and doing other entertaining things in order to work with an editor on my book that will be coming out this summer....hopefully!

Editing takes concentration and I put my focus on that endeavor. Now I have several days before I begin working with a publisher. That, they tell me, will take another two months, perhaps three. That's what happens when you self-publish.

This respite would have given me a few days to catch up on the messes piling up in my office. Well, that was my plan, but you know the old saying, "the best laid plans".....Those plans went belly-up when I went belly-down with a fall. Now I am nursing a knee that had surgery years ago and am waiting to see if there is any serious damage that may require another surgery. A visit to emergency (of course it happened on a weekend) showed no broken bones. But then, my usually positive husband tells me that ligaments take longer to heal than breaks. Sigh....

What do I get out of this event? I am saying "Hello to much rest and goodbye to my water aerobics, walking and type A personality activities." It is temporary, I keep telling myself. Be patient. Well, what else can I do?

For one thing, I am spending a few moments on this blog before I return to my "sitting with leg up" activity. Sigh again. Sometimes it takes a mishap such as this for folks like me to stay still and catch up on reading, enjoy the daffodils that somehow managed to survive our cold and stormy weather, and reflect on how fortunate I am compared to......you know, the comparison thing really does help. Just watching the news, let alone being aware of many others around me, and I return to gratitude for all I do have in my life.

So, for now, I will enjoy this intermission and soak in the more comtemplative aspects of living. It's about time!

A One Year Anniversary

Wow......Has it really been a year since I began this blog? Twelve months ago I was talked into delving into the blog world. I admit, I was reluctant and cautious. Would this ol' lady have enough ideas to share with whomever out there showed any interest?

I decided to give it one year. I did, and here I am, still chugging out weekly thoughts and feelings. It has not been a chore. In fact, it has taken little time from my life, with the exception of the few weeks I took off when I was deeply immersed in taking testimonials from veterans to send to Washington, and, eventually, to publish in my next book.

So, I guess it is happy anniversary to Hello, Goodbye, Hello. I usually don't look back once I post a blog, but I rather enjoy typing out musings on life, and today I am looking back at the many new experiences I am still experiencing in this latter time of my life. All in all, life has been extremely good to me. I look back with gratitude at the past year and wish for myself a year ahead that continues to be filled with interesting adventures to fill my bag of memories that will remain within me in the years to come.

And, for now, I will continue to jot down reflections. Hope all of you (including you readers from Russia and Germany) stay with me for the time being and enjoy the ride.

Goodbye to Granada

There are those periods during a person's lifetime when he/she needs time out from everything....cell phones, radio, TV, computer and the daily routine. I reached that point a couple of weeks ago. My life was consumed by my work of interviewing and recording the stories of our veterans. When it began to affect my physical health, I finally admitted it was time to retreat. So, my husband and I retreated to what I thought were the jungles of Nicaragua. Well, we did see the jungle and volcanos, but our cozy B&B was located in the heart of the quaint, third world city of Granada. We did take a few tours, but my goal was to back off from the noise of the politicians, the doom predictors, the problems of our society and take in the problems of a people struggling to acquire the basics of life, let alone some of the luxuries that we have come to take for granted in our materialistic culture.

It was a curious blend of the old and the new. The horses were faithfully pulling the wagons through out the town, loaded down with wood, sand, trash, etc. Horses and carriages, decked out with ribbons and bows, transported tourists seeking some romance. The taxis were whizzing in and out of the narrow streets, dodging the horses, carriages, pedestrians, and bikers who often carried a child or two, or maybe the grandma of the family sitting adroitly on the front of the bike.

Peddlers roamed the streets, calling out, carrying cheese, fruit, nuts...some balancing large baskets on top of their heads. Artisans were hawking beautiful local pottery of all shapes and designs. We strolled through the markets, avoiding the peddlers pushing their carts of produce through the narrow, crowded cobblestone streets.

We enjoyed the local city transportation of a carriage pulled by two high trotting horses.  One evening we saw a beautiful bride, dressed in traditional white, sitting in a white carriage pulled by two white horses, I suppose on her way to her wedding. We had to squeeze against the wall to avoid being brushed by this taxi that was hugging our side of the street in order to pass the motorized taxi coming down the opposite side of the street.

The people of Nicaragua are very friendly, quick to smile and respond to questions. The teen-agers are as most teens everywhere. They are self conscious, self centered and, for the most part, ignored us adults. We saw them everywhere, dressed in uniforms of white and blue, lugging backpacks, walking in twos or threes. They laugh easily. I wonder how aware they are of the changes flooding into their country. They now live with the old, but the new is steadily arriving. Tourists were glued to their I Pads or cell phones, comfortably connected to what is familiar to them. I saw no Nicaragua teens  texting or tweeting or shutting out the sounds of the streets by I Pods. They were talking to each other, side by side, walking into a world that will be forever changed by the time they struggle to find a job in a country beginning to fill with computers, cell phones and a less leisurely pace.

It was refreshing to turn back the clock for a time, without our computer or phone, and soak in the warmth of a people who enjoy their families, one another, and, on occasion, the strange wanderers from another land who touch their lives for a brief moment.

We said hello to Granada for too brief a time, but that time had a healing effect on two stressed-out Americans from the "unheard of" state of South Dakota. Olla and adios to all we met. Thank you for the few days we shared with you.

Bitter-Sweet Memories

2011 will soon be history. The ending of the old year is a time for looking back, while the new year is an opportunity for determining fresh beginnings. Hope, followed by action, can make for change.

During the week before the new year celebration, a great time for taking a memory tour,  I have been cleaning up holiday debris, reading the yearly seasonal letters, and looking through some photos that we had sent to a friend about ten years ago. He mailed them back to us because we lost ours during the Alabaugh Fire. They are happy reminders of our life "off of the grid" on our land along Cascade Road. Most of them are of our llamas and the construction of our fire-resistant house. One of the pictures shows our beautiful copper-colored metal shingles on our unfinished house. On the back of the photo Bob had written:

The Roof

2000 sq. ft.
3000 + shingles
12,000 nails
16 ridge caps
1 month
0 falls.

Reading that photo was a startling reminder of the amount of work, time and money that my husband had carefully and lovingly put into the completion or our unique home that was planned to see us through our retirement years. Photos have a way of  blending sweetness and sadness together, seeping into my heart. The shock of losing what has required so much effort can cause a lasting scar. It may heal slowly with time, but reminders have a way of sneaking losses back to the forefront for a while.

My thoughts were of those with PTSD. We usually think of our veterans who struggle with it, sometimes for a lifetime, but any who suffer a trauma, for whatever reason, can grapple with that pain. At times it can be constant and searing. My sorrows over past losses have usually been brief. At times I have sought help to work through what has vanished from my life. I try not to let myself wallow in my misery for any length of time. Losses will always be a part of my existence, probably more so the longer I live. I turn my focus on the many positives I have now;  my husband, family, friends, home, nature, music, writing, causes, and the wonders the new year of 2012 will bring to our world.

Perusing the past may bring warm feelings, but when the negative outweighs the positive, I change my thoughts to the present, with all my blessings, and now and then, I dwell on my hopes for the future.

Hello, New World of Blog

This is my first time in this world of blogging and as my title says, I will be blogging about my lifetime filled with goodbyes and hello's. I have said goodbye to my home town, but hello to a professional life in the Twin Cities. I have said goodbye to old friends and hello to new ones. I have said final goodbyes to my parents, a sister and recently a brother. How can I find a hello to a new family?

I said goodbye to one career and hello to another, goodbye to one marriage and hello to a far better one. In 1998, I said goodbye to a lifetime in Minnesota and hello to life off the grid in the Black Hills of South Dakota. My husband, a volunteer firefighter, built our house to be fire resistant, made of rock, cement siding and metal roofing. In 2007 we said goodbye to that wonderful home, and to the book I had been working on, in the out-of-control wildfire of 7-7-7. But then I said hello to a more unusual book, "Cascade of Flames". Check it out at Amazon or Outskirtspress.

I know my life will always be filled with goodbyes. It is only when I say hello to something new that I can move on with a life that may have losses, but always, always, in every way, I want to find a way to say hello again.

- Mary Ellen Goulet