Meditation

Epitaph by Merrit Malloy

When I die give what's left of me away
to children and old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry, cry for your brother walking the street beside you.
And when you need me, put your arms around anyone
and give them what you need to give me.

I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known or loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live on in your eyes and not in your mind.

You can love me most by letting hands touch hands,
by letting bodies touch bodies,
and by letting go of chldren that need to be free.
Love doesn't die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away.

The White Helmets of Syria

"Whoever saves one life, saves all of humanity," is a verse from the Koran that is the center of the mission of Syria's first responders. During this destructive war in Syria many have fled, joined one of the armies or joined ISIS.

In the midst of this chaos there is one group of Syrians - teachers, doctors, engineers, construction workers, sons, daughters, parents - who did not flee the country or did not take up arms. Instead this group of dedicated volunteers goes into the worst of the destruction after every attack to save lives.

Among the worst of humanity, there has risen the best of humanity - The White Helmets. But how often do we hear about these brave men and women? The media covers ISIS and the worst aspects of the war, but leaves little room for this group of "non-fighters" who dare to rush into the direct aftermath of a bombing to rescue, to save, to comfort, with scant regard for their own safety.

I have seen some of them in some media shots (recognized by their white helmets) but they are simply identified as rescue workers. In fact the only coverage I have seen so far of these Syrians who do not hide behind a weapon is in a Time magazine and The Economist magazine.

In my last blog I wrote of the givers and the takers. Reading about these givers, the White Helmets, has given me hope. There is love among the ruins even in one of the most war torn countries in today's world.

We who live in the relative comfort and safety of our country can complain and demand and criticize, but, in the long run, even the volunteering that we do can in no way compare to the love and selflessness shown by these White Helmets who, in every case, face the ultimate sacrifice of giving their lives for others.

For all of you who are terrified of letting in those Syrian refugees, remember those who follow the true meaning of their faith in the words of the Koran. Are the words similar to the meaning in the Scriptures, as well as all of the different faiths followed by others in our world?

Maybe we aren't so different. Maybe in all beliefs there are the extremists and the takers, but I want to believe that the majority in all faiths are those who follow the words of love.

Giving vs Taking

Wealth? No
Fame? No
Indulgence? No

None of the above are a path to happiness. In time all of them turn sour unless they are used to help or encourage others on their journey through life. If you search through religious or philosophical beliefs through time, they all conclude with the same message of hope: "love others as yourself."

In a strange way it seems if one loves oneself, that love flows out to those who share time and space in this world. Today even the health gurus are spreading the word that not only exercise and a healthy diet are crucial to a long and vigorous life, but social connections are as important.

Living solitary loses its luster. Connecting with others and giving of time to the needs of others brings a happiness in return to the giver that cannot be reached through wealth, fame or self-indulgence. Ask a volunteer. They know about giving and its rewards.

Giving brings so much more in return than self medicating through drugs or self absorption. Yet in today's world we have become addicted to instant gratification through our smart phones or the internet.

So when the police stop a driver who is on the cell phone he/she responds with "I know this is dangerous while driving, but I just had to find out who was texting me."

Or, "I couldn't wait until I saw the doctor. I had to take the drug for instant pain relief or a flight from the real world."

Or, "I just have to answer my phone even though we are together in a restaurant. After all, the world will fall apart without my instant response."

Or, "I know you called me first, but I have call waiting and the one who called me after you is more important than you, so I will call you back."

And on and on it goes. Life gets faster, colder and less connected. It is all about me, me, me! There is no room for you. Yes, the internet is a great way to connect with others in a casual sense and if face-to-face is impossible, but real, heartfelt connections come through a direct eye-ball, hand shake, hug, look at my expression relationship.

Giving of me to you through my time and caring, be it over food, in the steam room, on the steps of the post office, over the back yard fence, it does not matter. What matters is me to you directly, with patience and love.

Hey world, I must remind myself, "love me and love you. Enough of I, I, I and more of you, you, you! In this sped up world in which I often get stuck, please nudge me toward taking time for both me and for you."

Mea Culpa

Oh, yes, I admit that I can dip speedily into negativity. The news bombarding us is loaded with strife, killings, rivalries, and constant tearing down of everything and everyone. I looked back at my last blog and my recent battles to save our VA and our environment for future generations. Some days I feel the futility and hopelessness.

Then glimmers of hope shine out of the gloom. I read of those who work to making this a better world. I talk with friends who enthusiastically forge on to help others. I watch documentaries on PBS about the guys trying to save the animals from extension due to logging and development in areas sensitive to their habitat.

There is more beauty and humanity in this world. This does not have the instantaneous media coverage as does the sensationalism and glitzy "feel good" that many glom onto on the internet, TV, Twitter, etc. Much of the positive-ness occurring in our world is buried in lengthy literature visited by the patient few.

A thought for today: " "God" is understood as the supreme expression of love. God is love and whoever abides in love abides in God and God in him or her. The Great Commandment instructs us to love God with all our heart, all our mind, all our strength .... and our neighbor as ourselves. This is either utter nonsense -- since loving God with all our energy leaves nothing for the neighbor, or it is the greatest religious insight of all time --since loving the neighbor must simply be loving God, and vice versa."   Larry Goodwin, President of the College of St. Scholastica

Reminder to myself: Spend more time in the company of the hopeful and respectful and make the effort to watch, read and listen to the in-depth stories of the lives of the many who respect human dignity, cherish our world and continue to work to change the social structure and, most importantly, continue to better themselves.

How Cool is That?

One of my favorite comic strips is about an ordinary couple living an un-extraordinary life. Arlo and Janis hit a chord of remarkable similarity to the life Bob and I lead. In today's comic strip Arlo asks Janis if she minds staying home on Valentine's day. She responds that she can't think of anything better than a cozy evening spent at home together. Arlo tells her that they do that most nights. Janis replies, "I know. How cool is that?"

How cool is that? It hit home. In our marriage it is difficult to leave our home at night. We both enjoy being home together more than anything. Long ago we agreed that we would not go out on those special nights when restaurants are filled. Those were the nights when Bob pops pop corn and we turn on the TV or read and curl up by the fire.

This Valentine day was different. Bob knew that I was exhausted from weeks of planning a Polar Plunge event for our community municipal pool and he said, "I think I should take you out tonight. You are too tired to cook and if we go out early we will avoid the crowds."

We went out early, avoided the crowds, had a lovely three course Valentine meal, talked over the success of community teamwork in making our Polar Plunge a fun-filled success and came home to a clean kitchen....no dishes. After reading, some TV and sipping hot chocolate, I have the energy to write this blog. I feel renewed. There are times when a vacation is nothing more than an early dinner, and a quiet evening by the fire with the one you love the most.

Being Spoiled

What a switch! I recently wrote that at our age my husband and I do only token gift exchanging, having too many things to clutter our lives. Well, surprise, surprise. This year Bob requested that we not attend any holiday gatherings, but stay at home. (One exception was one guest included in our quiet holiday at home.)

After early morning skypeing with our children and grandchildren, Bob disappeared into the kitchen, creating a marvelous Christmas dinner. He allowed no admittance to me and managed to create a feast for kings. I did set the table and did the dishes after, but it was a special gift to be banished from the kitchen for the day.(I have never been overly fond of cooking, especially for guests and holidays.)

In addition to this pampering I opened a gift of a beautiful necklace set, fit for a queen, and was escorted to the back yard where Bob had been working all week, out of my view, on a CHICKEN COOP for our garden. We will get 3 or 4 chickens that will enrich our soil with fertilizer, devour all grasshoppers and annoying insects, mice and other unwelcome critters, but, best of all, furnish us and our neighbors with healthy eggs from free-roaming chickens.

Bob is going to purchase Icelandic chickens, hardy and suitable for this weather, as well as feisty fighters against predators. I also received a small incubator to hatch about 4 chickens. Bob remembered that during my teaching days I often hatched chickens in my classroom as part of a science project. It was the highlight of the science unit for the students and also, this very enthused teacher.

What fun! What a husband! What a Christmas to remember! It was my year to be indulged...something I never expected at this senior time of life.

During 2015 I will keep my readers in the "chicken loop" of my life. Keep tuned!

Changing Perspectives

As a child I looked at Christmas with anticipation. What would Santa bring? My help in decorating was minimal. Early on the tree was decorated during the Eve after we children were asleep and all presents appeared magically under that tree. The days before the holiday dragged on. A turtle could have whizzed by them.

As a young adult/teen I was focused on gifts for others....boys and other friends and my family, and what would I receive from them? Holiday parties were wrapped around what clothes would I wear, would I have a date? Time seemed to move at a quicker pace.

As an adult woman pre-holidays passed too quickly. There was work, gifts for co-workers, spouses, children and parents. Shopping and decorating took a chunk of precious time. During the sandwich years it was important to include parents in the festivities in one way or another. As my parents aged that involved lengthy drives to their home for the holidays.

Today, in my retirement years, the focus has shifted to the grandchildren. The search for the perfect gifts starts early. After all, isn't the job of a grandparent to spoil them? Parents are caught in those 'tween years"...work, children and their parents. Grandparents have shed the daily grind, have lost their own parents who once indulged them at Christmas, no longer want gifts from one another, having shed their appetite for things that may clutter their home and so, with the exception of token gifts for friends and one another, the urge for giving spot-lights mainly on those grandchildren.

Giving is a gift of love and caring for another. That never leaves, or, at least at this period in my life still tugs at my heart each time I see something that I think may give joy to another. When that certain item is spotted I tuck it away to be given or mailed to someone in my life for the appropriate occasion. At this stage of the game as parents and friends leave this world and my circle of gift-giving narrows, it is a joy to discover that special gift for the grandchildren, children and friends near and dear.

May all of you faithful readers find joy in giving during this holiday season and may you always have someone in your life that will feel special when they open that gift of love from you.

Never Too Old

How many Valentine Days have I celebrated? Too many to count? Not really, as only a few have made a lasting mark in my memory.

There were the elementary school days when we walked up to a large, gaudy red and white box on the teacher's desk, and dropped in our small cards with funny little verses, one for each child in our class. (That was the teacher's rule, that no one was to be left out). I remember the excitement as we opened our cards, scrawled out with our name, dried, white paste surrounding the off-kilter heart, that said something like, "Will you be mine, valentine?"

In high school it got more personal. I waited for that special card that came in the mailbox that was really meant for me. Sometimes there were flowers or that large box of chocolates that came in a rather tacky, red and white box. The glamour grew as I shared those moments with my girl friends, giggling around our lockers or in the lunch room, sneaking peeks at the sender of those mushy notes. It was an introduction to the adult world of "love and romance".

As an adult I was the teacher, admonishing my elementary students to make a valentine for each child with that "no one left out" rule. The excitement in my classrooms from the other side of the desk never failed to delight me. It would only be too soon before the hurts would come from those who would not receive that special card from that special someone in their teen age life. During these years they would all get valentines from everyone, even though it was obvious that some of the sparkly girls received the more flashy cards.

Most of the February 14 days faded from my memory with the exception of our wedding in Malta early in February of 1997. That was a memorable day, but the day that is most special to me today is the one I had yesterday. I was under the weather. We did not go out as planned, but my husband made me soup, my comfort food when I am not up to my usual self. He also brought a small rose plant, sweet and blooming. The directions advise planting outside in the spring. I have not doubt that when I look at that rose bush I will be reminded of our love, but the sweetest of feelings is when I remember that wonderful aroma of the chicken-noodle soup drifting from the kitchen and the deep feelings stirring inside when he brought that bowl to me, steaming with love.

Whoever said that Valentine's day is for the young, has not known the quiet love that grows, at times unevenly, but steadily, with time, patience, forgiveness and acceptance.

Santa and his Elves

It's that time of year when Bob and I don our elf hats and join Santa in distributing Christmas gifts to the members of the Black Hills Special Services Cooperative. Each Christmas a generous donor purchases two gifts for each of  the persons with a disability who are receiving training and education from the Cooperative.  No one will be left gift less during this holiday known for giving. The donor began purchasing gifts when she learned from a staff member that some of the people had no family members to bring them gifts for Christmas. Bob and I became involved in helping with shopping and delivering of the gifts, carefully chosen to match requests and needs.

This year was a beautiful, sunny day. Bob delivered the boxes to the American Legion hall where the employees had decorated for the occasion and were setting up the tables for the food feast. Santa and the guests began arriving. Some were family members joining their children for the celebration.

Joe American Horse began the festivities with blessings and a prayer. He thanked everyone for their  part in the occasion, and Special Services for taking care of his foster child's needs. After the meal Santa handed out the gifts to an appreciative group. As I wandered around, looking at the gifts they had received, some said, "How did Santa know this is just what I wanted?"

Each year as we join in with this remarkable group of teachers, aides and pupils for the giving time, I am reminded of how giving gives more to the giver than the receiver, and that's what this holiday is all about.