Mea Culpa

Oh, yes, I admit that I can dip speedily into negativity. The news bombarding us is loaded with strife, killings, rivalries, and constant tearing down of everything and everyone. I looked back at my last blog and my recent battles to save our VA and our environment for future generations. Some days I feel the futility and hopelessness.

Then glimmers of hope shine out of the gloom. I read of those who work to making this a better world. I talk with friends who enthusiastically forge on to help others. I watch documentaries on PBS about the guys trying to save the animals from extension due to logging and development in areas sensitive to their habitat.

There is more beauty and humanity in this world. This does not have the instantaneous media coverage as does the sensationalism and glitzy "feel good" that many glom onto on the internet, TV, Twitter, etc. Much of the positive-ness occurring in our world is buried in lengthy literature visited by the patient few.

A thought for today: " "God" is understood as the supreme expression of love. God is love and whoever abides in love abides in God and God in him or her. The Great Commandment instructs us to love God with all our heart, all our mind, all our strength .... and our neighbor as ourselves. This is either utter nonsense -- since loving God with all our energy leaves nothing for the neighbor, or it is the greatest religious insight of all time --since loving the neighbor must simply be loving God, and vice versa."   Larry Goodwin, President of the College of St. Scholastica

Reminder to myself: Spend more time in the company of the hopeful and respectful and make the effort to watch, read and listen to the in-depth stories of the lives of the many who respect human dignity, cherish our world and continue to work to change the social structure and, most importantly, continue to better themselves.

It All Began at the Beginning

The news shouts from the living room. I can hear bits and pieces from the kitchen: Syria, Iraq, Egypt, Ukraine, Russia, Nigeria, Sudan, France, etc., etc. The media bombards us with war,  terrorism, sectarian violence, refugees, missing girls, rescues and attempts at peaceful solutions. It never ends. We hear signs of hope dashed by protests, riots and uprisings.

The question was asked, "Will there ever be peace between the Jews and the Muslims?" One can wonder. It all started ages ago, according to Biblical history, with Abraham and Sarah. Abraham was promised a son who would become the beginning of as many descendants as the stars in the heavens. Abraham was very old. His wife, Sarah was far beyond child-bearing years. Neither of them could believe the promise from God. Sarah gave her servant, Hagar, to Abraham to bear him a child since she was young and could bear children. Hagar had her child, Ishmael, and Sarah became pregnant with Isaac. For whatever reason, jealousy, birth rights, or whatever, Sarah banished Hagar and Ishmael to the desert. As recorded, Isaac was the forefather of the Jews and Ishmael of the Arabs.

Ever since, up to the present day, the descendants of Isaac and Ishmael have been rivals. They do not forget since their memories seem be everlasting. I am not an expert on the Bible and anyone may read and interpret for him/herself but it appears that the hostility began centuries ago and seems unlikely to be abating any time soon, at least not during my lifetime.

So, it all began with Sarah and Abraham. Further back, if we look at jealousy, rivalry, hatred, suspicion and even murder, it all began with Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel.

As I see it (purely personal musings), not much has changed.

How Cool is That?

One of my favorite comic strips is about an ordinary couple living an un-extraordinary life. Arlo and Janis hit a chord of remarkable similarity to the life Bob and I lead. In today's comic strip Arlo asks Janis if she minds staying home on Valentine's day. She responds that she can't think of anything better than a cozy evening spent at home together. Arlo tells her that they do that most nights. Janis replies, "I know. How cool is that?"

How cool is that? It hit home. In our marriage it is difficult to leave our home at night. We both enjoy being home together more than anything. Long ago we agreed that we would not go out on those special nights when restaurants are filled. Those were the nights when Bob pops pop corn and we turn on the TV or read and curl up by the fire.

This Valentine day was different. Bob knew that I was exhausted from weeks of planning a Polar Plunge event for our community municipal pool and he said, "I think I should take you out tonight. You are too tired to cook and if we go out early we will avoid the crowds."

We went out early, avoided the crowds, had a lovely three course Valentine meal, talked over the success of community teamwork in making our Polar Plunge a fun-filled success and came home to a clean kitchen....no dishes. After reading, some TV and sipping hot chocolate, I have the energy to write this blog. I feel renewed. There are times when a vacation is nothing more than an early dinner, and a quiet evening by the fire with the one you love the most.

Trying Teamwork

"That's my spot." Those familiar with the TV show The Big Bang Theory recognize those words.

Going further back to the school yard: "I go first." "No way." "Choose me." "I won't play with you." "I'm the leader." "My way is the best." "You cheated." "Not fair." "I'm boss."

Later in the classroom: "Teacher, look at my paper. Do you like what I did?" "Will I get picked?" "It was my turn." "I was pushed." "I want the credit." "Look at me, look at me." "Me, me, me."

At times I believe not much has changed. As adults we protest if we don't get our way. We may choose to fight back, opt for compromise, say nothing or leave the group. In the daily struggle to lead, say our piece, have our way, we often lose the focus of why we are part of the group. Why did we join in the first place? What was the goal of the group? Can we be satisfied with taking a lower place or not having our idea being accepted? Can we accept a middle ground?

My guess is that ego or insecurity are often involved (the hallmark of the bullies)...or maybe we just get weary of the battle. Some stay in the game, others choose to leave. At times a smaller sect evolves. Teamwork is difficult at best, even in a group as small as a marriage.  It means keeping one's eyes on the final goals.

In the end, each must decide whether it is worth the effort, or at this time in one's life it may be best for all if we just go home, read a magazine, knit a shawl, write a book or work a crossword.

There may be more than one way to save the world.

Yet Another Statistic

Another day, another veteran death on record. What is wrong with this picture? So the VA can add this to the list of those veterans who take too many prescribed drugs. Just another statistic to them. What do they do when vets need help on their road to recovery? I wrote about it in my previous blog. They give them counseling and classes and support, along with filling them with prescription drugs.

It is not only the VA. It is the modern medical answer to everyone for every ailment....drugs for this and drugs for that. Drugs seem to be the answer. Not that meds cannot help. They do help some with issues. But for many, more is not the only answer. Quick fixes, instant cures......what have we become in this world of healing?

He was a teacher, a trainer, a friend. He was loving, caring and helpful to others, but he could not help himself. He was afflicted with PTSD, addictions to drugs, anxiety, sleep deprivation, migraines and brain trauma. His pain increased, along with the meds. He lived alone, with minimal monitoring of his numerous drugs. We watched his decline and did what we could, but it was not enough. His world closed in around him, shutting him off from those who cared for him. How could anyone understand that world of extremes.....extremes of pain, isolation and loneliness.

Some of us believed that we, his clients and friends, helped him by following his example and training. He told us that we inspired him. Maybe we did, but, in the end, it was not enough. It was just not enough.....

He shared with me that the counseling he received from the VA became less frequent.  There had been cut backs on personnel. But the prescribed drugs increased. The correlation was skewed. I remember encouraging him to get back to the doctor. He felt that the doctor was not as available as before. He had seen him on a weekly basis previously but those appointments became farther apart. The drugs seemed to be messing him up. Changes to his drugs, along with regular support, seemed to be in order, especially for someone who lived alone. His nights were the hardest. Sleep became almost impossible.

His death certificate states "suicide" as the cause of death. Age 42.

We cannot accept that word that marks his end. Yes, he overdosed on his prescription drugs. He took far too many, but he had far too much pain. Who can judge as to how many of us with so many burdens would not take more and more of doctor prescribed pain relievers to bring relief to our exhausted bodies and minds?

Ah, blessed relief! He has found it at last.

Sweat and Tears

We sat side by side, sweating in the sauna.

"I really want to get off of meds. I got back from Afghanistan and nothing fits. My wife no longer understands me. I came here to the VA to get help with my issues she doesn't understand, and they put me on more meds. I really love coming here to the Plunge. I can work out upstairs, in the water and then relax in the health club. I come here everyday. I want to get off of my meds and use the natural things to help my nerves and nightmares."

He talked rapidly, barely pausing for a breath or a response from me. Finally he paused and looked over at me, as if waiting for a reaction to his litany.

"Have your tried acupuncture or yoga?" I asked him. "Both of those services are offered here in town."

"I want to try both of those. I want to try every thing the natural way and get off of all those medications."

With those words he bounced off of the bench and disappeared out the door. His friend from the domiciliary was sitting across the sauna. He now had his chance to talk and he told me that he had come for treatment from Denver.

"I really love this VA and this town. I want to move here some day and make this my home", he told me. "It is easier to manage my issues in this peaceful community."

Two other veterans from the Dom came into the sauna. All four of them came to the Plunge every day.  They were all delighted with the amenities that our Plunge had to offer. They loved to let off steam with exercise, water, hot tubs and the steam. All four wanted to try natural means for healing instead of the artificial drugs which offered temporary relief and maybe, just maybe, added addictions.

All four were struggling to find their way back to society, back to their families, back to work. For now they felt safe within the VA system, but they also knew it was a temporary haven and they all echoed that they wanted to find their way back to "normal", whatever that was. So much had changed for them during their years in the service. They were different somehow and civilian life seemed confusing and unwelcoming.

"We used alcohol and drugs to soothe our anxieties. We just added another problem to our emotional ones. Now we have to deal with both."

I was happy that they found some part of "normal" while making use of the Plunge. I watched them join in with other townspeople in water volleyball and basketball. Looking on I would never have guessed that they were struggling with PTSD and substance abuse issues.

I doubt is any of us have reached perfect "normal" during our lifetimes. Perhaps it is best that we haven't. We all have our dark sides to battle at times. For me it helps in understanding those four veterans desperate to find some normalcy. I know of no one who has attained perfection. And, I believe that is what makes all of us interesting. Flaws weave a pattern of richness into a tapestry of humanness.  I wish, with all my being, that in some small way these veterans find some peace in their present lengthy conflict, a struggle that is possibly more difficult than the battle they fought overseas.

When I left the Health Club at the Plunge all four veterans were soaking, laughing and talking in the hot tub. They all looked relaxed and like the usual tourists. "What a nice old lady", one of them said as I waved goodbye.

Welcome home, guys.

The Joys of Small Town Living

You have heard them before: less crime, less traffic, less pollution. These are some of the parts of small towns that many enjoy. Oh, yes, we gave up terrific theater, multiple restaurants, extensive shopping, etc. when we retired to the rural area. There are pluses and minuses to both the life of congestion and the one of open spaces. As for me, I am contented that I experienced both types in my lifetime.

In retirement, I am pleased that I am living with fewer people, in a quieter venue. Now, instead of the previously mentioned enticements of the small town, I am suggestion a few that may not have entered your consciousness:

What about the ease of locating your car in the parking lot of the grocery store? You don't have to remember the number of the row in which you parked and wander around for 15 minutes trying to locate your car.

If push comes to shove, all necessary shopping is within walking distance. Even the medical facilities are within a short taxi ride or a hitch with a neighbor or friend.

Each stop for shopping, post office, city hall, court house or city pool is a social event. I can count on one hand the times that I did not run into someone and had a pleasant visit. The most heated and lengthy discussions usually occur in the Plunge pool, steam room or sauna.

Cars often stop for you when you are trying to cross the street, and not just at the corner required stops.

There is only one stop light in the downtown.

The nights are quiet, with the exception of the fourth of July weeks, but most of us are happy to be immersed in the peacefulness after a full day of conversations with most folks we know, and at times, some we don't.

Neighbors know one another and watch out for each other. Doors are seldom locked because many eyes keep a watch on nearby houses. (Just don't forget to tell the neighbor when a friend may stop over to use your oven while you are gone.)

It took me a few years to adjust to the fact that meeting a deadline on the other end of town did not take 30 or more minutes. Even in Rapid City to our north I could make a doctor's appointment across town in ten minutes.

Forget a credit card or your phone on the counter? Not to worry. You will get a phone call very soon.

Where else do teenagers hold the door for you and wait for you to enter?

Six chickens are allowed in the back yard - a yard which becomes bug free and richly fertilized. Super enriched tasty eggs are shared with neighbors.

No matter the restaurant, you usually run into someone you know. Hugs are freely given.

As a taxpayer, your voice is heard (and at times heeded) at council and commission meetings.

As the old saying goes, "The best part of small town living is that everyone knows you. The worst part is that everyone knows you."

Each person must choose for him or herself...anonymity in a city, or familiarity in the small town.
Bob and I have chosen the first for our career years and the latter during retirement. We have had the best and the worst of each world. Works for us!