An Ode to October

What a difference a year makes. In early October, 2013 our beautiful Black Hills were covered with snow. Cattle had frozen by the hundreds after the devastating early storm that brought rain, cold, wind and snow, all of which were too much for the cattle and horses caught by the unexpected fury of the twists of nature.

Today we have passed the half way mark of October. The sun brightens the turning leaves, the air is crisp and clear and we are all enjoying the balmy waning days of Autumn. I have hopes that this coming winter will be milder and sunnier than the drawn out gray and freezing days of last year.

They yard signs for the November voting are prominent in many yards. "Vote for me", they proclaim. They, too, have promises, not unlike the weather. They suggest that they will make our lives better, that they will represent us, the voters.

As I enjoy my peaceful walk to the river and back, I wonder if, like the weather, the elected officials will turn their backs on their promises. Will they really listen to our hopes, or, like last year's October weather, will they turn to rain on our hopes, followed by the cold and wind of their personal desires and leave us covered with the heavy, wet snow of their ignorance or greed and self-interest?

I suppose only time will tell. Hope does seem to "spring eternal", but reality often crashes those same hopes. But then, many of the candidate do admit what they really stand for, and they do get elected. It follows that those that vote them in should not be surprised or complain with the results. We will see. Many promises of hopeful Autumn are dashed in the midst of winter.

This week promises to be sunny and mild. I intend to enjoy the weather as forecast. It may have to carry me through the reality to come. Beautiful, colorful October. Long may you reign!

Drip, Drip, Drip

Chilly and wet, a typical October day. This is the type of day that calls for hot chili, cocoa, a good book and snuggling up by a fire. It is a forecast of the colder, gray days to come, with less sun, longer nights and, hopefully, more time for musing, reflecting and absorbing.

It seems that there have been more and more days of activity, filled with meetings, letter writing, group activities, fund raisers, etc., etc. Today, soggy and gloomy, is a reminder of quieter days to come...days for renewal and rejuvenation, days to catch up on those un-finished magazines, days to sleep in without guilt or a to-do list. Everyone can use these kind of days.

Today is one of them. I will close this blog with ahhhhhhhh, I am retuning to the fire, in cozy slippers, with a book. Do not disturb!

A Promise Kept

I first met Fred in 2012, a few months after the announcement on December, 2011 about the planned closure of the Hot Springs VA. I was taking testimonials from veterans who used our VA and wanted it to remain open. The testimonials were to be sent to the VA administration in Washington, DC.

Fred had fought for his country in Vietnam and he volunteered once again, this time to fight the battle to save our VA. He was hesitant to tell his story. He was modest about his time in the service but resolute about the importance of saving the Hot Springs VA that was crucial to his health care. His diabetes and neuropathy, which had left him house-bound, were connected to his exposure to Agent Orange, the herbicide used by our military to destroy the vegetation in jungles of Vietnam. When Fred went to the VA they would bring out the maps and ask him where he had been in Vietnam. He said that he had received excellent care from the VA.

The following are Fred's words from part of his interview with me: When I joined the Marines and went to Vietnam I believed in the cause. I thought that Communism would spread like the domino effect and I wanted to do my part to keep that from happening. Six months into it I began to realize that it was a lost cause. They were a third world country and couldn't, and, at times, wouldn't defend themselves. It's a tall order to go from a peasant country to a democracy. From that time on I was looking forward to getting out of the service, but I had a personal sense of responsibility and I had made a promise to my country. Now my country is breaking their promise to us.

It was an American policy that when flyers were down they would try to go in and get them to safety. They did everything they could to protect their people and fly out to rescue them. How's a guy from Crawford, Alliance or Pine Ridge Reservation going to feel when they have to take a three hour ride in an ambulance to get to the hospital? It will take an extra hour and a half to get to Fort Meade from Hot Springs. When someone was down in Nam, they risked their own lives to get him out.

Long ago Fred kept his promise to his country even when he no longer believed in the cause. Then he became worried that soon that same government he once served would break its promise and deny him and other veterans accessible and quality health care. Agent Orange left its ugly mark on this loyal veteran of the Vietnam War. His last years were spent in a nursing home in Rapid City.

With quiet determination and dignity Fred fought his final battle by sharing his story. His words will live on in Reveille in Hot Springs, a book of testimonials by and for all veterans, past, present, and those yet to come.

He was buried today with full military honors. May he finally rest in peace.

Not Again!

Hot Springs had memorial for two veterans who died this month. They died too young and only two days apart. We can choose to be angry at the VA for skimping on enough care to have kept them with us longer, or we can simply choose to grieve their passing.

The stories abound.....too lengthy waits for care, too many deaths. We have one in our own back yard that smacked us in the face. They young man had served his country in special "ops" for many years. He had spent some of those years in Afghanistan. He had been through treatment once for addiction and PTSD. He had floated about after he left the service, had re-enlisted and had once again returned to civilian life. That life was now confusing for him. He continued to drift, searching for himself and his place in a world apart from the military that had been his home for much of his life.

He knew one thing that he thought would help, and that was his return to our VA to help him sort through his issues among fellow veterans and personnel trained to counsel veterans in issues unique to former military who had been trained to obey, to fight and to kill. Civilian life could be a shock and disconcerting for many.

He went to our VA which had helped him once before and which he knew was one of the best in our country for helping veterans adjust to their former homes and lives, so out of sync with their military experience.

Sixty days! He was told that they had no beds and he would have to wait for sixty days to gain admittance into a treatment program. He felt he could not wait...his pain and confusion were overwhelming him.

Some veterans have left our town when faced with this news and they have drifted off into the unknown. Some are now homeless, while others have chosen a swifter way to end their pain -- permanently.

This veteran chose another route. He got stinking drunk for two days and was admitted to de-tox at the VA, with a speedy entrance into the substance abuse program in the domiciliary.

Desperation can lead a man in many directions. I can only hope that this veteran has chosen the path most helpful to him and that, in time, he may find what he needs to regain his place with fulfilling employment and healthy relationships as a friend, father and son.

I feel that for now he is safe and getting the care he seeks, but late, in the quiet of the night, I wish, ever so deeply, that I could be of more help in his journey. If only.....

Memorial for a Veteran

They came from Idaho, Colorado, Nebraska and Hot Springs. Family and friends came to pay last respects to a veteran, a fitness trainer, business owner, son, nephew and beloved friend. He had lived in Hot Springs for only a few years, but he left an indelible mark on many...some for fitness and health, others for inspiration and moral support.

He had been through the programs at our VA, opened a fitness studio and offered his story in my book, Reveille in Hot Springs, in order to do his part to help us save our VA. During the memorial service tears fell freely as many of us attempted in some way to express our feelings about this remarkable young man who left us too soon. The following was my testimonial to his memory:

We have come to pay tribute to a very special person, a young man who was much loved by this veteran community, not only for his incredible gifts for assisting many of us on a road to better health, but also for his caring for each one he met and impressed with his intelligence, acceptance and abundant sharing of his love.

I first met Wade in late February of 2013. I was in the editing process for my book about our battle to save our VA in Hot Springs when I received an email from my editor. "You don't have any stories that bring us inside the domiciliary that many of the veterans are passionate about saving. You need to find a veteran who can tell what goes on in the treatment program at your VA."

Wade eagerly stepped up to the plate. He wanted to save our VA where it was, in the town that had embraced him and made him feel safe. He was proud of his part in this battle. He felt that he would live on forever with his story he had shared.

Not only will he live on in this book, but he will live on in all of us clients who, under his encouragement and guidance, have improved our health. I began working with Wade as my personal trainer in September of 2013. I was blessed to have had an entire year under his unique training, unlike any physical training available anywhere else. He sized up each client and adapted a program to meet the needs of each one.

My request had one focus.....I wanted to walk again, do the River Walk, including the stairs up to the museum and I also wanted to be able to get onto the motorcycle behind my husband and ride as we had one years before. I wanted to be back to my former self before my surgeries.

Two summers before I came to Wade I had had three surgeries within a month and, without my fully realizing it, had lost muscle tone and could only walk a few blocks before fatigue set in. Steps had become impossible without hanging on to a railing.

Last Tuesday, September 9th, I was especially eager to keep my appointment. I wanted to share the news that I had walked the entire path and made it up the stairs for the first time since the surgeries. I also had made it on Bob's motorcycle. Wade never got to hear my news, which I knew would have delighted him, but since last week, every time I take the stairs, I find myself saying, "I am doing this, Wade. I will keep on with all you taught me." When I feel like whining, "I can't,", I remember Wade's quick encouraging, "But you can!"

This is one client who will never forget.

The End of Struggle

We knocked on his door. No answer. "That's odd. He always calls when he cancels an appointment", I said to Bob.

His bicycle was in the back. I thought he had gone back into the domiciliary as happened once before and he had left no message. I had scolded him then for not notifying any of his clients. We worried about him. He lived alone and had many issues to deal with. He was a veteran dealing with PTSD, substance abuse, brain trauma, and several emotional disorders. We knew he suffered from severe migraines and sleep deprivation. Lately he had used several prescription drugs to help with his insomnia and migraines. He shared some of his issues with us, but none of us really realized the extent of his despair. How could we? Listening to another is not the same as walking in his shoes. We could not feel the pain that lead him to mixing so many meds to ease that pain.

After a few days of no word I called those who knew the ropes and could tell me if he were in the VA for treatment or for medical issues. Not long before he had almost died from kidney failure because of drugs he was taking. His drugs were changed, but he still took many since his issues were many.

The sheriff came to see me. "We found him dead in his apartment. He was lying on the floor. I saw all of his medications lined up on the table. It did not look like suicide, but we have to wait for the autopsy."

Several of us who knew and loved him gathered at a kitchen table. We talked about all we knew about his final days. We shared our grief, smothered by the shock of so recent a happening. He had been such an asset to the community, helping many of us regain physical strength through his fitness training, specialized to each of our individual needs. He had a rare gift; to be able to see what each client needed and to adapt his personal training to those needs. He treated arthritis, Parkinson's, MS, weight loss, strength gain, body building, or whatever his client requested.

His love and concern for each client showed clearly. He wanted them to be the best they could be. He once told me that working with his clients and watching them achieve their goals brought him the most fulfillment to his life; a life filled with physical and emotional struggles. He loved our VA and our town. He worried about the possible loss of our VA. He did not know where he would go. He needed the closeness of a VA, but he also cherished the warmth of Hot Springs.

We had talked about his loneliness, his desire for a special person to share his life. He worried about a someone who could be a part of his constant struggle in life. Who could be there for his emotional highs and lows, for his migraines, his sleeplessness, his daily demons he fought to be able to be there for his clients?

I met Wade when I interviewed him for a chapter in my book, Reveille in Hot Springs: the Battle to Save our VA. He had been through both the substance abuse program and the PTSD program. His chapter, "Inside the Dom" took the reader through the inner treatment programs at our VA.

One time, after re-reading his chapter, he told me, "I sure am one screwed up dude." He had shared his story, honestly, with a raw edge, but as he re-read it, many times, he seemed to see himself for the first time. It was as if he was reading about someone else, even thought the words had come from him.

I can only speak for me but I know that his encouragement and belief in me kept me going in my training with him. He would say, "You are an inspiration to me, Mary. You help to keep me going."

I believe that all of his clients helped to keep him going. They each inspired him and helped him to deal with his pain. But late in the night, sleepless, with only pills to ease his struggle, he turned more and more to those small prescribed aids to relieve his pain, physical and emotional, and in the end, too many, too soon, took him away from us, much, much too soon. He has left a void. He was loved.

Goodbye dear veteran, my trainer, my friend. You have left a hole in my heart.

The Winds of Change

Today a couple from England stopped by. "Everything is going to pot in our country. The authorities are afraid to go after the minorities who have arrived en masse since we joined the European Union. When they commit crimes such as the recent scandal regarding the sex trade of children by mainly the Pakistanis, the police turn the other way for fear that they will be labeled racist. Some of the new arrivals do find employment while others take advantage of our system to receive all the benefits without trying to fit into our culture. We have no strong leadership to take control. After we retired we moved to Wales. I guess we will wait it out and hope for change."

You hear complaints from tourists from other countries, tourists from our country and from all around. "Our leadership is corrupt, the corporations run the country, the rich get richer, the poor are losing ground and the middle class is disappearing. We want change, but no matter who gets elected they owe their votes to those with the money who got them elected. No one listens to us. Just follow the money and you will follow the votes."

"Perhaps", the couple from England said, "Perhaps when things get bad enough and the people have had enough, things will change."

Some complain, some give up and try to ignore everything going on around them. Some move to Wales. Others keep on trying to better the world in any way that they can. Every person needs to do what they feel is best for them and what they can handle at any time in their lives. I cannot possibly judge what others do or don't do. I have not "walked a mile in their shoes." This I do know, I hope that I can continue to hope for a better world, whatever that may be, and be grateful to those who keep on working for change and living with hope.