Everybody Loves Bob

Every week day a group of us meet for breakfast. We share the latest news, a few laughs and connect on issues that are of common interest. There are times when we do not share the same viewpoint and agree to disagree. What a joy to take time with friends who have much in common, link on that comfort level, but now and then scatter afar, take time to listen, shake up ones comfort zone and part for the week with perhaps a glimmer of a new awareness.

That is the power of the group after all. Years ago, longer than I care to admit, I began several groups during my professional career. The first one involved six to twelve year olds. I was a school counselor working in a suburban school in the Twin Cities. Each day different students stopped in my office to unburden themselves. For the most part their issues involved separated or split families. Within a few weeks I heard the same story repeated from different perspectives and ages, but with similar feelings, frustrations and concerns.

"How would you like to share your time with another student who faces some of the same problems as you relate to me?"

Surprise, surprise, each student I approached meeting with other kids with some of the same issues, jumped at the chance. No hesitation, "Oh, yes. I would like that," was the response and within a week's time I had a group of ten children from first to sixth grades, crunched in a circle on my office floor, sharing, crying, laughing and supporting one another. The comfort from discovering they were not alone was powerful, to say the least. The supportive feelings swirled around that small office and followed them down the stairs and back to their classroom and then to their homes.

The students who wanted to join that group swelled beyond what the room could contain. Within a month or two I divided the groups into grades from first through six. There was something lost with older and younger sharing the same woes, but the power of the group dynamics still continued.

Later I started parent groups, first the mothers who wanted their husbands to have a similar experience, then the men's group. Those groups continued long after my transfer to another school.

There was always a magic in all of the groups. There was a power of the many over the one, lone individual facing demons on his/her own. For me, as the counselor, their was the ability to reach more clients than on a one to one.

Today in our small breakfast group I was sharing something about some people who were angry with me over something or other I don't even recall right now. I can get rather in-your-face when I am passionate about an issue, and have earned resentment by some.

"Well, they aren't angry with Bob, are they?"

Bob was quietly eating the breakfast special and made no response.

"Everybody loves Bob," came from one voice in the group.

Oh, yeah, how true! My steadfast husband rarely sees a need for confrontation. He lives his life, true to his values. He never preaches, tries to convert or make a scene. He simply is who he is. He is one of the most grounded persons I have ever known. He is my rock and example. Some teach, some preach. Others try to convert. Bob lives his life. No wonder my friend believes that everyone loves Bob.

I am not sure about everyone, but I am very sure about me.