Racism Revisited Again and Again

One of my all-time favorite books is Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird." I frequently re-read books I loved, but this is the only one that I finished one night about ten o'clock, laid it on my bookstand for a few minutes, picked it back up, and re-read it from cover to cover during the rest of that night.

I read it to my eighth grade English class one semester. One by one the books appeared on the desks of my students until almost the entire class had purchased their own copy. I knew then that I was not the only one to learn and be captivated by this masterpiece.

The message, "You never understand another until you climb into his skin and walk around in it" was embedded in my consciousness. During my years of discovering my own racism emerging I recalled that message.

I broaden the word racism to include all forms of prejudice. I acknowledge it when I am biased against the opposite sex. How often have I misunderstood my own husband, realizing in time that some of my frustration involved the fact that he is male and I am not? How many parents are confused and confounded by their teenager, who is certainly from another planet at times? It can start when the rebellious two year old discovers the power of the word "no". Age, sex, political, religious, race and any other "differences" between two or more people can cause anger, misunderstanding and separations.

Color and cultural differences are at the root of many clashes in our world, just as problems erupt between parents, parents and children, and neighbors and friends, greater disparities often occur between groups with a larger physical separation.

What lessens the divide among people is dialogue and very active listening. Even then can we ever totally understand another person, even those close to us? It can take a lifetime of togetherness and listening to close the gap between a couple. If both work at it, the closeness increases.

If there is physical and cultural separation, the struggle for understanding is more difficult, but it is often through this struggle that we come to understand ourselves more fully.

In reflection, I know that even living inside of my skin for a lifetime I do not always understand myself, but I do know this, the more I uncover who I am with my hopes and fears, strengths and weaknesses, the clearer is my understanding of others. Close and empathetic friends and paid listeners such as psychotherapists, can speed up our understanding of ourselves and others. In the end, we are, after all, more alike than different, no matter our color, background, family or culture.

We can choose to disagree while still accepting others for who they are, and who they are attempting to become. Life is all about becoming, after all is said and done. To me the greatest adventure is discovering myself and a tiny part of the others who share my world.