I made the usual phone calls to her new apartment. No answer. After a few times I let the phone ring and ring. What was wrong? Where was she? I didn't know the last names of her two daughters so that was a dead end. The Internet offered no hope. Where was my oldest friend? At long last a classmate emailed me with her whereabouts.
My heart dropped a beat. Her new home was an assisted living facility in her home town. I was informed that she had a fall and now was suffering from dementia and may not know who I was. How could that be? We had a long conversation....when was it? Could it have been a year ago?
She did not use the Internet so over the years we had made our visits in person, but after my move to South Dakota we mainly used the telephone to keep in touch. We shared so much. We were like sisters.
We met when I was a freshman and she was in Junior High School. Age difference did not matter. We were kindred spirits. She was sweet, kind and an only child who was adored by her parents. She was a majorette for the popular Drum and Bugle Corp, travelling to state and national competitions. She dated my cousin who was visiting for the summer. He fell head-over-heals for her, but it was not to be. She went on to college and became a much-loved kindergarten teacher, married and raised two beautiful, talented daughters. She had her own television show, using her teaching skills to educate generations of pre-school age children. After retirement she continued teaching by volunteering for an ESL program, assisting immigrants in perfecting their English skills.
Whatever she did, she did to the best of her ability. She was a caring, devoted daughter, mother, wife and teacher. She told me once, "I am not the smartest of people. I know that, but I work hard and make the best of situations." She knew herself, with her weaknesses, but accepted herself as well as others who came into her life.
She was in a terrible car accident, recovering after many plastic surgeries. She looked after her mother when she entered a nursing home and spent many hours with her father, including him in her life even after his many failures had caused her ridicule and rejection while she was in high school.
One of her dreams she shared with me was to write a book for teachers, using many materials she had developed over the years for her television show. That dream was put aside as she focused on her daughters, grandchildren, parents and the early death of her husband to cancer. As far as I know she never had time to pursue that dream. Today I wonder what happened to all of those materials?
Her home was sold and today she is in the assisted living facility. I called and was told they would connect me to her room. We talked at length. She sounded her usual cheerful self. It was great to hear her voice, but there was a difference. After talking for a while she said, "I hate to say this, but who are you again?" I don't know if she remembers me even after we talked about her family, our hometown (not the same), and how she liked her new home. Of course, she said she loved it there. No surprise. She always has accepted her life situations, even when difficult. She has not lost her generous spirit. But as of now, the February of 2016, she has lost memories of me and our friendship.
I sent chocolates for Valentine's day and I will call again, and again. She asked me to. My call seemed to cheer her up and maybe, just maybe, the next time I call she will remember me. Perhaps the next time we talk I will not have a sleepless night, crying for a loss - a loss of a closeness we shared for so very many years, since first we met and became instant friends in the summer of 1946. It was that long ago, but it seems like yesterday.
Over the years friends have come and gone from my life. A few steadfastly remained. She was one. And now she is leaving me, slowly, but surely. My heart is aching. Goodbyes are never easy, no matter how or when, swiftly or slowly, expected or sudden. How can anyone replace someone who accepted you, warts and all, with unconditional love?
Of course I know that answer, but slowly, over time I will have to learn to let go and be grateful that even if I am lost to her, I will keep the precious memories of a special, loving friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment