During the week before the new year celebration, a great time for taking a memory tour, I have been cleaning up holiday debris, reading the yearly seasonal letters, and looking through some photos that we had sent to a friend about ten years ago. He mailed them back to us because we lost ours during the Alabaugh Fire. They are happy reminders of our life "off of the grid" on our land along Cascade Road. Most of them are of our llamas and the construction of our fire-resistant house. One of the pictures shows our beautiful copper-colored metal shingles on our unfinished house. On the back of the photo Bob had written:
The Roof
2000 sq. ft.
3000 + shingles
12,000 nails
16 ridge caps
1 month
0 falls.
Reading that photo was a startling reminder of the amount of work, time and money that my husband had carefully and lovingly put into the completion or our unique home that was planned to see us through our retirement years. Photos have a way of blending sweetness and sadness together, seeping into my heart. The shock of losing what has required so much effort can cause a lasting scar. It may heal slowly with time, but reminders have a way of sneaking losses back to the forefront for a while.
My thoughts were of those with PTSD. We usually think of our veterans who struggle with it, sometimes for a lifetime, but any who suffer a trauma, for whatever reason, can grapple with that pain. At times it can be constant and searing. My sorrows over past losses have usually been brief. At times I have sought help to work through what has vanished from my life. I try not to let myself wallow in my misery for any length of time. Losses will always be a part of my existence, probably more so the longer I live. I turn my focus on the many positives I have now; my husband, family, friends, home, nature, music, writing, causes, and the wonders the new year of 2012 will bring to our world.
Perusing the past may bring warm feelings, but when the negative outweighs the positive, I change my thoughts to the present, with all my blessings, and now and then, I dwell on my hopes for the future.
Wow! Sounds like your home was very nicely built. We live in a world were tragedy strikes at any time; to live with regrets from tragedy is unhealthy. Like you, I reminisce from past glory (at least personal ones), yet I use my experience to guide me through tragedy, through pain, and through sadness. I appreciate the good read. I truly appreciate your article. It reminds me of look at the positive aspects of my life rather than focus on negative memories.
ReplyDeleteOne last thing: is there any chance you would be inclined to at least make a small scale replica of your home? It was very pretty. At least your husband should try that...it would sound like a nice project for him.
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